**Warning: This is my view of situations. I may be wrong, or this may not strictly apply to you, so do not take this to heart.**
What is love? What is this emotion people always over exaggerate about? Is there a scale that goes “die for all humanity” love to “really like a lot” love? So what happens when you say the “L” word and there is a difference in the meaning and variation? I am a Hispanic student whose culture has multiple scales of love. I may say “I love you” to friends and they may take it the wrong way. It is all about how you perceive the word love. Have you ever fallen victim to having a different meaning of love? I met a couple people in college who would either hate the word, use it sparingly, never use it, or use it more than they should. I fall into the category of using it more than I should, and I don’t regret it. That is a way that I express my feelings to my friends and close people in my life. So once you say that dreaded mixed feelings “L” word, how do you go from there? If you still feel that connection with the person then keep using it, but what happens when you fall out of love( or need to), or what happens when you want to show the next step ( like wanting to take it to the next level with the person you love).
I know that when you want to take things to the next level there is a phrase in Spanish that translates “I’m in love with you” which is the strongest of our loves. How do you know if you are ready to take that next step? Once you say that “L” word, that can be used after two months of dating, how do you show it further? When is the right time to make sure they feel the same way? To me that is when you are ready to get married. You take a look at the person you love and you say to yourself I can see myself with this person for the rest of my life (not until I want to divorce, or for the time being). That to me is the way to express the extra step of that love. Love is an emotion people feel, and to be in love means that you are surrounded in it and swell in the emotion with this person.
But Darce, what happens if you don’t feel love anymore, or what if I need to fall out of love? That is a really great question. I can say that I fit into both categories. I love multiple people and to me that is fine, it’s the “in love” that can get sticky. The love that I feel is a friendship love (mainly because I am single and will probably die alone) and I usually say it to those whom I am close with. However, I have some friends that I no longer have a close connection with and I no longer love. In order for that to happen there must have been a loss of connection, so I stopped going from I love you to just nothing then later to a regular friendship. My mother always says that our life is always filled with seasons and sometimes friends are there for a season, sometimes relationships are there for a season as well. I have a friend that broke up the relationship, and it was tough going from “I love you bae” to “ ”. So that leads to the next question, how do you fall out of love with someone; someone you love gets into a relationship so you need to fall out of that love spiral, you find that the person you love is wrong for you though you still love them, or you see that the relationship can be poisonous and you back out early on. To me I came up with a little plan.
Step 1:Wake up in the morning and be thankful for all you have and give a praise that you are still alive. (Your mornings will set up your attitude for the rest of the day)
Step 2: You will be thinking about this person on a daily, so try not to harp on it. Let the idea come and go, do not dwell.
Step 3: Stay kosher and be friendly but know that there must be a limit on how close you can get. Be supportive but from a distance.
Step 4: Fill up your time with other individuals that will help take your mind off of things.
Step 5: Get active in physical activity by yourself. Unfortunately Netflix isn’t a physical activity, but go out and get blood pumping through your body, letting it sit there will make things worse.
Step 6: Have some alone time and think about yourself. This is where Netflix comes in.
Step 7: Slowly stop interacting with the person and move on. This is the mental step of the process, remove yourself from pain and stop dwelling (even if that means stopping the social media interactions). It is easier to type than do, but it is something we should take part in.
Love is always surrounding us. We need to be the masters of our own heart. We are not born being masters, we need to learn from those around us and through experience. So let’s see where our future takes us in love, let’s experience heartbreak, let’s experience falling in love, let’s experience loving people, and most importantly let’s love God!
Again this is all the way I do things. If you have any ideas or any comments please feel free to share. I love to improve and take advice from others. This is my view on being stuck in love. I am excited to read this a year later and see how my view has changed.